I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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