all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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