I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
