how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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