There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
