I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
