If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
