Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
