I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
