i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
