Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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