The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
