Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just forgot I was standing up.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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