The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
