Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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