Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
