Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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