A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
