either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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