Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
