it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
