The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
