He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
