You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
