The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
