would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
