is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
