i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
