just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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