my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
