She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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