Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
