My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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