Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
