I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
