Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
