$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
