He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
