The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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