i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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