I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
