The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
