Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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