Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
