What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I look better un-naked...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
