Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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