it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
