Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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