Whod you bang
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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