Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
